I think my fart just growled at me.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
