Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
