does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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