I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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