So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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