I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
