I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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