May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
