You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
