my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Randomize
