Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
