Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
