he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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