two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
