her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
