I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i just google imaged poop.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
you're hired as official boob wrangler
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
