My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
