So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Are my feet made of real feet?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
God I need to hump something, right now.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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