dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
