I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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