She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
