he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
