Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
