I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Randomize
