you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
It's just like the Real World with babies
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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