There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
