So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
