U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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