I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
