Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
