so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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