My sheets look like a crime scene.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
