I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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