Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
