I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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