when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Terrible idea I love it
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
