I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
