not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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