its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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