If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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