Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
