Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
