I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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