Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
