im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
