What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
