WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
zippers are such a cool invention
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
