We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
The Olympian is in my bed
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
