walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
