I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
