Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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