How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just cut my nipple shaving
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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