I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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